part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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