drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
