please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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