With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
