i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
