I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
