what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize