my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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