Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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