Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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