mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
