Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
