my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
