Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
