on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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