I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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