Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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