Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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