I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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