ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize