I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Come see our sink grown plant.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
