She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is Oprah even human
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
