thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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