how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Two words: blizzard sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
