Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
