I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want a musical about memes.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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