Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
