Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
