Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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