I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
