There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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