We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think my fart just growled at me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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