Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
