You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
