Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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