Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
