Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
