Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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