A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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