If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
