Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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