I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
