By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
