We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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