Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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