My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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