Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
