i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
