Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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