My liver just broke up with me...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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