I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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