i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Will exercising make me less horny?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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