I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
