Where is the hickey?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
