I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
