remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Randomize
