some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize