There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
