he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
