the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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