I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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