he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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