Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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