everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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