Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
