is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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