Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
