best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
