i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
