You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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