Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
