Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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