New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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