Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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