But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
