Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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