All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
