I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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