do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
