my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
