I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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