every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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