I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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