so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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