I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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