THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
