sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
