He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
