Kiss
Puke
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
