My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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