Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
