I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
