I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
