i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
