She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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