And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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