I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
