I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
