I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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