8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You are the jesus of drinking
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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