You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
